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  • Page 17 of 151 FirstFirst ... 78910111213141516171819202122232425262767117 ... LastLast
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    Thread: Daily Chuckle

    1. #321
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      Misinterpretations

      From Mrs. K in New Jersey: I loved the letters about
      misinterpreting the Lord's Prayer." When my twin daughters
      were young, I taught them to say this prayer before going to
      bed. As I listened outside their door, I could hear them say,
      "Give us this steak and daily bread, and forgive us our
      mattresses."

      From San Francisco: When I was a child, I learned this
      prayer as "Our Father, who are in Heaven, Howard be
      thy name." I always thought that was God's real name.

    2. #322
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      He who laughs last thinks slowest.

      Everyone has a photographic memory . Some don't have film.

      A day without sunshine is like well, night.

      On the other hand you have different fingers.

      Change is inevitable except from a vending machine.

      I just got lost in thought , It was unfamiliar territory.

      When the chips are down the buffalo is empty.

      Seen it all, done it all , can't remember most of it.

      Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

      I feel like I'm diagonally parked,in a parallel universe.

      He's not dead he's electroencephalographically challenged.

      It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

      Just remember ,if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

      The 50-50-90 rule:
      Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right,
      there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

      It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to
      end someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

      You can't have everything , where would you put it?

      Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.

      The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

      A fine is a tax for doing wrong A tax is a fine for doing well.

      It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

      I wished the buck stopped here as I could use a few.

      I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.

    3. #323
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      Thanks for the daily jokes.

    4. #324
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      The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashier and was down to
      two final applicants -- one of which would get the job.

      The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York. A
      nice young man, but a bit timid.

      Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a burley young
      man who seemed quite sure of himself. "He looks like he can take care of any
      situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him.

      He turned to the first applicant and told him he could go and they would let
      him know.

      Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself --
      that's an important asset for the job as cashier. However, you must be precise.
      I noticed you did not fill out the place on the application where we asked
      your formal education."
      Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your
      financial education?"

      "Oh," replied Jim -- "Yale."

      "That's very good ... excellent. You're hired!"

      "Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called?"

      Jim answered "I don't care... Yim... or Mr. Yonson."

    5. #325
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      If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

      Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

      If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

      If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

      Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

      Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

      The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

      A closed mouth gathers no foot.

      Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

      There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

      Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

      Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

      Never miss a good chance to shut up.

      We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our butt ... then things get worse.

      Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

      There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

      No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

      Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

    6. #326
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      Thanks for the daily chuckles.

    7. #327
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      Quote Originally Posted by flbaker View Post
      There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
      Is this a description of us

    8. #328
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      You betcha ...me included


      Quote Originally Posted by Sonia View Post
      Is this a description of us

    9. #329
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      A 2nd grader asked her mother the age-old question, "How did I get here?"
      Her mother told her, "God sent you."
      Did God send you, too?" asked the child.
      "Yes, Dear," the mother replied.
      "What about Grandma and Grandpa?" the child persisted.
      "He sent them also," the mother said.
      "Did he send their parents, too?" asked the child. "Yes, Dear, He did," said the mother patiently.
      "So you're telling me that there has been no sex in this family for 200 years! No wonder everyone's so grouchy around here

    10. #330
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      OK I debated posting this for the past couple of months as I didn't want to offend anyone (the soldiers I sent this to absolutely love it)
      if it offends I can remove it ..........

      A man moved into a nudist colony. He received a letter from his
      grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in
      his new location.
      Too embarrassed to let her know that he lived in a nudist colony,
      he cut a photo in half but accidentally sent the bottom half of the photo.
      He was really worried when he realized that he sent the wrong half,but
      then remembered how bad his Grandmother's eyesight was, and hoped
      she wouldn't notice.
      A few weeks later her received a letter from his Grandmother.
      It read, "Thank you for the picture." "Change your hair style,"
      "it makes your nose look too short."
      Love, Grandma

    11. #331
      'Tis love we get when love we bring
      is wishing summer was still here.
       
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      Wonder where Grandma thought his eyes and mouth were? Very cute.
      A smile is a curve that straightens everything out.
      Click daily for both https://thebreastcancersite.greatergood.com and http://www.brotherearth.com/en/top.h...k=BrotherEarth

    12. #332
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      Have you ever wondered about confucius quotes refer to Man .....

      Man who run in front of car get tired.
      Man who run behind car get exhausted.
      Man with one chopstick go hungry.
      Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
      Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
      War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
      Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
      Man who drive like ****, bound to get there.
      Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
      Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
      Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
      Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

    13. #333
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      Thanks for the laughs flbaker!!!

    14. #334
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      A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company.
      One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
      "Quick," said the woman to her lover," into the closet!"and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.
      The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet.
      "Who are you?" he asked him.
      "I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," said the exterminator.
      "What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.
      "I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the man replied.
      "And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.
      The man looked down at himself and said,........ "Oh!Those little ...........(buggers)"

    15. #335
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      is just not sure if I'm coming or
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      Thank you all for your jokes, it's a while since I visited this thread & it gave me a really good laugh.

    16. #336
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      A young woman in Seattle was so depressed that she decided to end her life
      by throwing herself into Puget Sound.

      She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when
      a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying.

      He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to
      Hawaii in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship.
      I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."

      Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added,
      "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."

      The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose?
      Perhaps a fresh start in Hawaii would give her life new meaning.

      That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat.
      From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece
      of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

      Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the Captain.

      "What are you doing here?" the Captain asked.

      "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained.
      "I get food and a trip to Hawaii, and we enjoy each others company."

      " HE certainly is," the Captain said. "This is the Bremerton Ferry."

    17. #337
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      Thanks for the jokes.

    18. #338
      You know you love my juggling cow.
      is just not sure if I'm coming or
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      Thank you for another laugh

    19. #339
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      OH Boy guess I'll need to post a few more daily laughs when I can find the time .... been so busy

    20. #340
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      For your morning coffee, just remember....
      Click image for larger version. 

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