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  • Page 6 of 151 FirstFirst 1234567891011121314151656106 ... LastLast
    Results 101 to 120 of 3012

    Thread: Daily Chuckle

    1. #101
      Sew many addictions, sew little time
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      brendaj's Avatar
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      LOL
      that was good!!
      brenda

    2. #102
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      Oh...thank you!!! That was a good one!
      Be Well...Be Blessed! Maggie
      Click the purple button at The Animal Rescue Site to give food to an animal living in a shelter http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/tpc/ERA_041508_ARS


    3. #103
      'Tis love we get when love we bring
      is wishing summer was still here.
       
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      Shastasmom's Avatar
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      That was good, wasn't expecting that ending.
      A smile is a curve that straightens everything out.
      Click daily for both https://thebreastcancersite.greatergood.com and http://www.brotherearth.com/en/top.h...k=BrotherEarth

    4. #104
      A Lady of Good Heart
      is having a great time picking
      flowers off my machine!
       
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      Oh boy! This is priceless!

    5. #105
      Sew many addictions, sew little time
      Just not sure
       
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      brendaj's Avatar
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      GETTING OLDER
      A distraught senior citizen
      phoned her doctor's office.
      "Is it true," she wanted to know,
      "that the medication
      you prescribed has to be taken
      for the rest of my life?"
      "'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.
      There was a moment of silence
      before the senior lady replied,
      "I'm wondering, then,
      just how serious is my condition
      because this prescription is marked
      'NO REFILLS'."
      ***********************
      An older gentleman was
      on the operating table
      awaiting surgery
      and he insisted that his son,
      a renowned surgeon,
      perform the operation.
      As he was about to get the anesthesia,
      he asked to speak to his son.
      "Yes, Dad, what is it?"
      "Don't be nervous, son;
      do your best,
      and just remember,
      if it doesn't go well,
      if something happens to me,
      your mother
      is going to come and
      live with you and your wife...."

      ********************
      When you are dissatisfied
      and would like to go back to youth,
      think of Algebra.
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
      One of the many things
      no one tells you about aging
      is that it is such a nice change
      from being young.
      ~~~~~~~~~~~

      Two guys, one old, one young,
      are pushing their carts aroundWal-Mart
      when they collide.
      The old guy says to the young guy,
      "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife,
      and I guess I wasn't paying attention
      to where I was going."
      The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence.
      I'm looking for my wife, too...
      I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
      The old guy says, "Well,
      maybe I can help you find her...
      what does she look like?"
      The young guy says,
      "Well, she is 27 yrs. old,tall,
      with red hair,
      blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra,
      long legs,
      and is wearing short shorts.
      What does your wife look like?'
      To which the old guy says,"Doesn't matter,
      --- let's look for yours."
      (ADORABLE)

    6. #106
      A good neighbor!
      is the seamstress for the band
      (in my dreams....)
       
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      sharon w's Avatar
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      This was in an email from my friends at Country Concessions (http://www.countryconcessions.com/ ) that I think we can all appreciate!


      Quilter's Last Will and Testament
      Being of sound mind and body ( a statement that does not bear close scrutiny) I __________ do hereby record my last will and testament. Knowing that ________, my __________(husband, sister, daughter) has no appreciation, or for that matter knowledge of my extensive fabric collection, which, by the way is deposited in various places throughout my house for safe keeping. Knowing also that _________ has also notified the Goodwill Store should I precede him or her to that great quilt shop in the sky, to pick up and dispose of the aforementioned collection.
      Therefore I do WILL this collection and all other collections related to it, to my dear fellow fabric preservationist _________. It is my wish that she, upon hearing of my death and obtaining clear proof that I did not manage ( although goodness know I tried) to take it with me, will come to my home, before Goodwill Store searches out my collections. That she should rescue said collection and stack it in my quilting studio, along with my sewing machines, frames, old buttons, lace, patterns, quilts, dolls and works in progress.
      After she has done that, she should purchase refreshments for all my friends, not yet departed, which friends are also her friends, and every last one shall be in that room and they shall hold a wake and say lots of lovely and kind things about me until they run out of things to say, and then they shall divide amongst themselves my wonderful collection. Be forewarned! I shall be hovering over that very spot until this is done.
      This is my last wish on this matter.
      Signed____________ Date __________ Witness __________

    7. #107
      'Tis love we get when love we bring
      is wishing summer was still here.
       
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      I do believe that this is the way a will should work. Heaven knows by DH would have no idea of where to even start.
      A smile is a curve that straightens everything out.
      Click daily for both https://thebreastcancersite.greatergood.com and http://www.brotherearth.com/en/top.h...k=BrotherEarth

    8. #108
      Sew many addictions, sew little time
      Just not sure
       
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      brendaj's Avatar
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      There are teachers and those who really teach...
      On the Lighter Side

      According to a news report, a certain school was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12 year old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine provided it was a natural or neutral skin tone, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them; and the next day the girls would put them back.

      Finally, the principal, decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all the lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian, who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can imagine the yawns from the little princesses).

      To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, the principal asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

      Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

      There are teachers and then, there are educators!!!

    9. #109
      'Tis love we get when love we bring
      is wishing summer was still here.
       
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      That maintenance man was definitely an educator. Thanks for sharing.
      A smile is a curve that straightens everything out.
      Click daily for both https://thebreastcancersite.greatergood.com and http://www.brotherearth.com/en/top.h...k=BrotherEarth

    10. #110
      A good neighbor!
      is the seamstress for the band
      (in my dreams....)
       
      I am:
      Crazy
       
      sharon w's Avatar
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      A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

      The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

      The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

      The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly...

      She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'

      To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.

      'There's no charge,' she says.

      'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

      'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'


      'So I just switched the heads.'




      (BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING!!!)


    11. #111
      'Tis love we get when love we bring
      is wishing summer was still here.
       
      I am:
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      Nope I didn't. Thought she just switched the suits or got him a suit at goodwill. LOL
      A smile is a curve that straightens everything out.
      Click daily for both https://thebreastcancersite.greatergood.com and http://www.brotherearth.com/en/top.h...k=BrotherEarth

    12. #112
      Sew many addictions, sew little time
      Just not sure
       
      I am:
      Just SiCK
       
      brendaj's Avatar
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      A lady walks into a Lexus dealership. She browses around, then spots
      the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the
      fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her.
      Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has
      noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up
      right now.
      As she turns back, there standing next to her, is a salesman. "Good
      day, Madame. How may we help you today?"
      Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely
      vehicle?"
      He answers, "Madame, if you farted just touching it, you are going to
      **** when you hear the price."

    13. #113
      'Tis love we get when love we bring
      is wishing summer was still here.
       
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      LOL, thanks for sharing.
      A smile is a curve that straightens everything out.
      Click daily for both https://thebreastcancersite.greatergood.com and http://www.brotherearth.com/en/top.h...k=BrotherEarth

    14. #114
      A good neighbor!
      is the seamstress for the band
      (in my dreams....)
       
      I am:
      Crazy
       
      sharon w's Avatar
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      A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
      He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

      "Dear Lord:

      I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
      I want her to know what I go through.
      So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.
      Amen!"

      God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
      The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
      He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,
      Awakened the kids,
      Set out their school clothes
      Fed them breakfast
      Packed their lunches
      Drove them to school
      Came home and picked up the dry cleaning
      Took it to the cleaners
      And stopped at the bank to make a deposit
      Went grocery shopping,
      Then drove home to put away the groceries
      Paid the bills and balanced the check book
      He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog
      Then, it was already 1:00 PM
      Hurried to make the beds
      Did the laundry, vacuumed, dusted, swept and mopped the kitchen floor
      Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home
      Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework
      Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing
      At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad,
      breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper
      After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids and put them to bed.
      At 9:00 PM he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished,
      He went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
      The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: -

      'Lord, I don't know what I was thinking.
      I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day.
      Please, Oh! Oh! Please, let us trade back.
      Amen! '


      The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:


      'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.
      You'll just have to wait nine months, though.
      You got pregnant last night.'

    15. #115
      'Tis love we get when love we bring
      is wishing summer was still here.
       
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      Thank you for sharing. That would be the ultimate test for a man to take.
      A smile is a curve that straightens everything out.
      Click daily for both https://thebreastcancersite.greatergood.com and http://www.brotherearth.com/en/top.h...k=BrotherEarth

    16. #116
      Step a little closer . . . you have chocolate on your cheek!
      is getting organized and getting
      hubby healthy again!
       
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      Great post! Thanks for sharing.

    17. #117
      Active Forum Member
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      Now that was funny. Thanks for sharing

    18. #118
      Chatty Forum Friend
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      I think he should wait at least an extra month to see what it's like to care for a new babe.
      Thanks for sharing.

    19. #119
      Active Forum Member
      is sure it is impossible to have
      too many designs or thread
       
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      My Mum used to teach primary one.

      One of the admin tasks was to ensure they had the correct parents names. She asked one child her Mother's name.

      "I don't know."
      "Okay, what does Daddy call Mummy?"
      "Sex-pot."
      She gave up on that one but asked with a bit of trepidation
      "What does Mummy call Daddy?"
      "Big boy."

      Not the sort of answers one would wish to record I think.......

    20. #120
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      This is your Captain. Just sharing a message from my sister....

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