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  • Page 8 of 151 FirstFirst 12345678910111213141516171858108 ... LastLast
    Results 141 to 160 of 3015

    Thread: Daily Chuckle

    1. #141
      You know you love my juggling cow.
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      pennykasteel's Avatar
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      Do men ever get it right? It all began with an iPhone...
      March was when our son celebrated his 17th birthday, andwe got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn't?




      I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.


      Our daughter's birthday was in August so we got her an iPod Touch.




      My wife celebrated her birthday in September so I got her an iRon.




      It was around then that the fight started..

      What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.

      This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.

      I should be out of the hospital next week!!




      iHurt


    2. #142
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      Pennykasteel, he should be hurting! LOL

    3. #143
      'Tis love we get when love we bring
      is wishing summer was still here.
       
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      Love it. thanks for sharing.
      A smile is a curve that straightens everything out.
      Click daily for both https://thebreastcancersite.greatergood.com and http://www.brotherearth.com/en/top.h...k=BrotherEarth

    4. #144
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      Out of the mouths of babes!

    5. #145
      Sew many addictions, sew little time
      Just not sure
       
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      Love it!!!!

    6. #146
      You know you love my juggling cow.
      is just not sure if I'm coming or
      going
       
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      you just can't successfully fool kids.
      T
      he children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

      'Take only ONE . God is watching.'


      Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

      A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples..'

    7. #147
      Sew many addictions, sew little time
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      Yesterday my daughter again asked why I didn't do something useful with my time.
      Talking about my "doing something useful" seemed to be her favorite topic of conversation.
      She was "only thinking of me" and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys.

      I did this and when I got home last night I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business.

      I told her that I had joined a parachute club. She said, "Are you nuts? You're almost 80 years old and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"

      I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.

      She said to me, "Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."

      "I'm in trouble again, and I don't know what to do... I signed up for five jumps a week," I told her.She fainted.

      Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes it really can be fun.....

    8. #148
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      I really, really like this! I'll have to try it on one of my sons! Let's see, do I pull it on the Pastor or the Veterinarian?

    9. #149
      'Tis love we get when love we bring
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      Brenda, thanks for the laugh.

      Nonnadonna, pull it on the Pastor, he'll be the one fainting. LOL
      A smile is a curve that straightens everything out.
      Click daily for both https://thebreastcancersite.greatergood.com and http://www.brotherearth.com/en/top.h...k=BrotherEarth

    10. #150
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      Shastasmom, I think you are right!

    11. #151
      Sew many addictions, sew little time
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      Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
      Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
      After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar?'
      The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
      The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
      The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
      The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

    12. #152
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      Brendaj this is too funny! As soon as I can pick myself up off the floor (from laughing so hard) I'm going to go sew. Every time I hear someone talk about the "Hind Lick Maneuver" I'll think of this joke!!!

    13. #153
      'Tis love we get when love we bring
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      Brenda, I'll never think of that maneuver again without laughing. Still laughing.
      A smile is a curve that straightens everything out.
      Click daily for both https://thebreastcancersite.greatergood.com and http://www.brotherearth.com/en/top.h...k=BrotherEarth

    14. #154
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      This is so funny. Thanks for the afternoon chuckle Brenda.

    15. #155
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      Thank you for the laugh Brenda, I really enjoyed your joke.

    16. #156
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      Thank you for a good chuckle, I really needed it

    17. #157
      You know you love my juggling cow.
      is just not sure if I'm coming or
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      The Australian government is just one huge political joke at the moment. We woke up to a change of prime minister yesterday, kevin 07 is being recycled, & we now await the next development! The following quite adequately analises the problem.

      (a John Clarke, Bryan Dawes skit) - (The Customer)








      [Scene: A car yard. BRYAN is perusing the stock.
      He is approached by JOHN]

      John: Morning! Looking for a new car?

      Bryan: Nope. Prime Minister, actually.


      John: You’re the third one this morning. Anything in mind?


      Bryan: You know....... nothing fancy, reliable, economical family model. Something to get the country from A to B.


      John: You mean like a Howard?


      Bryan: Yeah....a little Johnny. Nothing flash, does the job. Low maintenance, economical, sensible. Runs for years, no troubles.


      John: So.... you used to have one?


      Bryan: Yeah. About 10 years. Great little model – don’t know why I got rid of him --biggest mistake I’ve ever made…


      John: What happened?


      Bryan: Traded him in for a Kevin 07.


      John: Big mistake…


      Bryan: Lot of people bought it. Good political mileage.


      John: How was the Kevin 07?


      Bryan: Came with a $900 factory rebate – that was good.


      John: Anything else?


      Bryan: Not much. Sounded nice but nothing under the bonnet. It was a lemon.


      John: Didn’t stick around for long did it?


      Bryan: Nah – had a factory recall. Shipped overseas and was never seen again.


      John: What was the problem?


      Bryan: Lots. But the final straw was the navigation system. Plug it in and it automatically loses its own way.


      John: Whatcha got now?


      Bryan: It’s a Gillard-Brown.


      John: The hybrid?


      Bryan: Yeah. The Eco-drive system – not a good idea. An engine that can’t deliver hooked up to a transmission stuck in permanent reverse…


      John: Green paintwork with a red interior. And steering that always lurches to the left for no apparent reason – that’s the one?


      Bryan: The Fustercluck model.


      John: The only one they made, Bryan. Not the vehicle of choice for the road to recovery – but did they finish up fixing the navigation system?


      Bryan: Made it worse. Turn it on and it does a press release, heads off in all directions and goes nowhere.


      John: So that’s why you’re here?


      Bryan: That’s right. I’m stuck with a government that's wasteful, expensive, ineffective and past its use by date. I don’t suppose you’ve heard of the “Cash for Clunkers” scheme?


      John: Join the queue brother.
















    18. #158
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      Thanks for my laugh of the day.
      Quote Originally Posted by brendaj View Post
      Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
      Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
      After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar?'
      The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
      The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
      The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
      The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

    19. #159
      A good neighbor!
      is the seamstress for the band
      (in my dreams....)
       
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      Default attn - CUTIEPIE - are you the anonymous Mother???

      Just tooooo funny not to share!

      The following came from an anonymous Mother in
      Austin, Texas...

      Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):

      1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

      2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

      3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

      4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

      5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

      6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

      7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

      8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

      9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

      10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

      11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

      12.) Super glue is forever.

      13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

      14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

      15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

      16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

      17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

      18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

      19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

      20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

      21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

      22.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

      - - - - ! - - - - - ! - - - - - ! - - - - - ! - - - - - ! - - - - - -! - - - - - -! - - - - - -!!!!!

      a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!

      b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.

      c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.

      d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.

      e) For those who have not yet had children, there is birth control.
      Last edited by sharon w; July 6th, 2013 at 01:31 PM.

    20. #160
      Ask a question and feel a fool for the moment. Don't ask the question, and be a fool forever
      is Is loving life!
       
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      Saron - tht is a wonderful life lesson - lol!!! I have no kids - so to me it is hilarious!!!!

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